More on the (Former) Quandry

This ain’t easy.
No one ever said it would be.
I’m sure most of you have read A Double Dad Quandary and the shit-storm that followed. That all began on 6/25/07. It is now 7/6/07. I have received NO communication from the man involved.

The following excerpts are from an email exchange between his wife and I on 6/29.
I have cut the irrelevant parts out, as well as redacted personal information.
Her words are in Italics, my responses to her statements are in bold and my reply to her mail and final overture is in plain text.

I showed those pixs to your father. He doesn’t go on line. He doesn’t know how to use the comp.

Ok, I can understand that. He is old school. Never to late to learn, though.

yes mikeal your father knows what u wrote , I read it to him and he was very hurt.

I’m sorry that I caused him emotional pain. But I was hoping it might make him think…
Edit: I had also meant to say that There’s part of me that doesn’t think he’s even seen or heard it…

by the way we didn’t send u to bible camp, but we did go to church on sunday.
Ummm… I’d call 2 weeks of vacation bible school (If I remember right, it was about 7 hours a day) close enough. Oh Yeah! Match stick crosses! And yes, sometimes you actually did go.

when we lst got with u kids u told me your mother sent u to a camp in the summer. somewhere out near ashford.

No, we lived in Ashford. The only camp I attended was The Susan B. Anthony Camp in Maine when we lived there. And more to the point, I didn’t get sent there, I wanted to go, and begged to go.

I was very hurt to see him so hurt.

Sorry – but did it hurt enough to make him call me? Apparently not.

He’s been thru alot of grief the last 4 years with 2 accidents. he has metal plate and pins in his foot that pains him everyday.don’t u remember him calling u in the mornings about a year ago.

I do remember him calling 3-4 times, but no accident was mentioned that I recall.
I have sympathy for his physical hurts. It’s never a good thing to be in pain.
I’ve been through ” alot of grief” for the last 30 years.

he’s not much for talking on the phone even when his dad calls, he tries to make it short cuz grandpa can talk for hours lol.
Well, when it’s the only option, it’s the only option and you do what you have to. Or, In this case, you don’t.

Sorry this turned into to such an emotional thing
What do you mean, turn into?! It’s always been one! That’s what this is all about!
we were hoping u’d come down sometime.
Probability is very near zero – ever.

The girls are adorable and your father is a big mush with kids.

Yes, they are. Thank you for saying so. And He may well be, I wouldn’t know.

(my emailed reply follows in situ)
If he still wants to visit, this is how it can be. We pick a day in advance, (has to be in advance so Psycho-Momia and I can arrange time off) and he and I can get together and talk. After that, we’ll see. I don’t want to shut him out. He is my dad, and that means a lot. But there is a lot of shit that sits inside me that he needs to know – that I need his answers for. I’m glad that post brought out a lot of stuff, but answers from you don’t cut it.
My cell is often the best way to get me. (phone number redacted) About the only times I don’t answer are when I’m asleep, or at work.
Have him call me, and we’ll work out a time when we can go for a beer or a coffee.
I think it would be best for him to come up here, but it’s negotiable.


So –
It’s been 11 days since I lit this fire, and 7 days since I sent the above. I have gotten no response from Bart. None. If he has indeed been informed of this, he clearly doesn’t give a shit enough to do anything about it. Fuck.

So the story ends here.
Bart Jr., you are welcome to stay in touch. Maybe we can build something.

I will leave comments on this post open for 24 hours or so.
But it’s time to say goodbye to this issue. I don’t need the grief, and neither do the women I love. (Yes, the girls are indeed women…very young ones, but still…)

Sorry for the downer, all.

6 thoughts on “More on the (Former) Quandry”

  1. Well, here’s my .02. You arent going to win or resolve this one. There is too much denial and too many excuses. Your stepharpy is far too concerned with covering his ass and making you the bad guy and him the victim, so my advice is let it go and dont bother, you have risen above and become the father he wasnt, so leave it at that. From the excuses she makes and what she says he thinks and says, even if you meet with him nothing will be his fault, he wont take responsinility, and I have a strong suspicion any such meeting will be the proverbial can of worms. Let it go, it is what it is, and sometimes you just need to know when to fold ’em. Keep making your life and the life of your family better, that is the best revenge and resolution. You really do not need this.

  2. Maybe I wasn’t so clear. Today’s post closed that door. I won’t say forever, cuz that’s a mighty long time, But if he shows up here in the next 2 weeks, he will have a rude awakening.

    Funny thing…the google ads over there –>
    are for Memorial services….

  3. nah, you were clear. Just being supportive of your clear-ness, clarity, etc……

  4. For what it’s worth, I do hope that you and Bart can work out your differences without “stepharpy” (good one, A) running interference for your Dad. If your terms are something he can agree to, you really should make it clear that Rosemary is not to be involved, or even there, for the conversation. This really should be between father and son and about resolving issues you have with one another. You never know, it could change your relationship (being overly optimistic never hurts!!!). I do feel that Rosemary needs to take a step back and let her beloved husband talk for himself, for once. You are, after all, his son. Not hers.

    As a side note… I would like to say that I saw the family photos of you, C and the kids. Your children are beautiful and so is your wife. I know we discussed the whole “mom look” thing, but she really is naturally beautiful and being a mother really suits her. :mrgreen:

  5. Umm yes…it WAS Bible camp. Gotta love the selective memory…we ALL have it 😉

    Dear Brother…..if Dad wants to resolve anything, or even has any clue to any of this, which I seriously doubt, he’d be in touch. But like always…the communications are silent. Good night to the issue for now.

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