So as I previously ruminated, I gave notice to the Unnamed employer on Saturday. In two weeks I shall be unemployed.
And yet, it doesn’t worry me. I have feelers out in several directions, and I know worse comes to worse, I can flip burgers for a bit and still bring in the necessary. Psycho-Momia and I discussed it on Friday, and decided that it was the right thing to do. When I got home from work Friday night, there was an email waiting for me from a company I have a great amount of respect for. I send a blind inquiry to them about twice a year in regards to employment opportunities. They are a widely known company with a dedicated fan base, and are named after a fruit. I saw this email as a sign that I am on the right path.
The demons wonderful children have pushing boundaries left and right. Smallest is doing her best to convince me that she will indeed be the one I have to bail out of jail – probably for something like base jumping. If she’s not climbing on something or standing on something that puts her higher of the ground than any 2 and half year old has any right to be, she’s rummaging through the fridge looking for yogurt.
Oldest, on the other hand, has gotten very timid. Shy with most people, even ones she’s known most of her life. Afraid of Dogs and bugs, to the point that she doesn’t like to go outside to play. Out at a chain pet-store that allows dogs, She freaked out and said she didn’t like dogs. Psycho-Momia asked her something along the lines of “but you liked Candy, didn’t you?” (a cup of context: Candy was our Greyhound who died last fall) She replied “But Mama, that was different!”
It is amazing the speed that they can go from BFF to WFE. Playing quietly, happily to screaming and swinging in less than 2.5 seconds. And, no, we don’t let them watch violent TV or movies. It’s just part of being a kid.
I also just want to give a shout out to a couple of new readers, and old friends – Hey Youngblood! Hey Kev! And you too Guddy, if you show up. Long time no see.
Currently playing in iTunes: Paralyzer by Finger Eleven
So I don’t really feel like talking. Not surprising all things considered. No call, no show by the aforementioned bio father – no surprises.
Work is really sucking, and could be coming to an end soon. We’ll see. There will definitely be changes in regards to that in the very near future.
I spend way too much time psyching myself up and letting myself down, and then psychoanalyzing why and how. I spend too much time alone.
I whine way too much.
I have two unfinished reviews that have been sitting for a week…
Far too many projects going on in my head.
Sleep is a myth, perpetuated by mattress salesmen.
The girls do so much, and change so fast that I scarcely seem to know them at times.
I should be in bed, but I’m scared of what’s in my head that comes out in the dark.
Feeling a bit low. Made the Mistake last night of actually looking at my pay-stub – just under 50% of it gone to deductions. (Taxes, 401k, insurance, etc.) The main reason I work is that I carry all the insurance for the Family – except Psycho-Momia‘s medical. That shit is ridiculously expensive, and we have have fairly good deals. I feel bad for other folx, who might not have as good of benefits.
But still, the non-tangible “pay” of benefits, and knowing that it’s important to have them, doesn’t help the alpha-male “provider” side of me. When I see that my take home pay is roughly a quarter of Psycho-Momia‘s, it’s like a symbolic kick in the balls. Which, I might add, is the worst way to rochambeau someone. Physical pain goes away…
In the day to day, it feels like I work so much, that I never get to be at home with both the girls and Psycho-Momia at the same time.
I am a conflicted man. I have the drummed in values of an older time, where the “man of the house” brings the money, and supports his family, while the “lady of the house” takes care of home, hearth, and kinder… those things are deep within me after years of social indoctrination. Kind of in the monkey brain. Logically, I know that it’s bogus – but it’s very hard to grasp it emotionally…..
Quick Post script: I understand that the previous may not make sense. I am experiencing the much dreaded “clopen” wherein you “Clo”se the store, and then o”pen” the store the next morning. Therefore, I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep since 6 yeaterday morning.