Tag Archives: Gray Hairs

Livin’ on A prayer…

I gotta be honest here. Life is sucking pretty bad right now. There are many reasons, but collectively they stem from one: Being psychologically and physically addicted to smoking cigarettes. I’ve fucked up in a lot of different ways related to that. Going into detail on how ain’t gonna happen here. That is between Psycho-Momia and I. But I will say that every fucking day, I find a new way that I’ve hurt her and the girls by continuing to feed the addiction.

If you don’t think smoking is as bad as say, heroin, you are wrong. Not preaching, just venting, and organizing my thoughts here…

It may not kill you as quickly, and most people won’t literally kill for a smoke, but it hurts you and those you love just as much.

I cannot fix the past. I cannot right the wrongs I’ve done. I can’t even ask for forgiveness.

I can hope to not allow these things to happen in the future.

I’m angry. With the unnamed girl who literally stuck a lit cigarette in my mouth at 15. I’m angry with the adults around me who smoked like chimneys, allowing a deep grained perception that it was ok.

Mostly I’m angry with myself. For not staying quit when I did it 20 years ago, for being too “weak” to resist it, for lying to myself about it. For lying about it to the ones I love. For breaking hearts…

That’s enough for now. Losing control… and I don’t want to explain to the girls why I’m crying.

Currently playing in iTunes: Love Song by Tesla

A Little heart breaking…

Setting the scene:
On our way back from the Local Big Chain Pet Supply Store, where we had just inquired after a cat in need of adoption. The whole famn damily in Psycho-Momia‘s ride (because Tattooed Dad‘s car is too small to comfortably fit all of us in). Oldest daughter and MBW (AKA Psycho-Momia, in case you were confused) are discussing the options for dinner. “Momma, I wish we could go out for dinner.” “I’m sorry, honey, we don’t really have the money for that today” sez Psycho-Momia. Oldest daughter: “Awww, I wish we did. Momma, I’ll give you some of my monies, and then we can go…”
Tattooed Dad smiles and cries a bit.
Smiles because even though she doesn’t really have a grasp of money or value, she does know what’s hers, and was willing to share it.

Cries because you shouldn’t have to say no to a simple request like that.
It’s one of the challenges that comes with the decision to keep the kids at home and only work part-time. You simply don’t have the jing jang to spare for frivolous spending like that.

(may I take a short moment here and remind you of the little store link above? Thank you….)

Other things that are challenging are getting to spend enough time with your partner. You end up trying to cram a weeks worth of idle talk, important things, and intimacy into Just a few hours. Not the best situation for the adults.

I’ve come to realize over the last few years, that the best routes for raising children require massive sacrifices from the parents. And that, I think is the reason for so many people taking the “easy way out” and dumping their kids into day care. Day care is easier than giving up the weekly hairdo and tanning salon, or the season tickets to whatever bread and circus they subscribe to.

Fuck’em. I’ve made the right choices, of that I’m sure.

Speaking of that, Ray – I commend you on you career change and choice. You too, Linda for supporting that.

Anyway….

Until next time, I’ll leave you with a teaser…
Damn Squirrels!

Sometime soon, there may just be a way for you to get something for free from me.
Stay tuned, my faithful readers (all 3 of you….)

A vacation part deux

So, to continue, The girls decided that it was time to push all boundaries. The fun part was always what happened when we held firm. Smallest child is in the hitting phase, and packs a mean left! She has decided that since oldest daughter never had the “terrible twos”, she’s gonna get us twice as bad. Favorite phrase? “No way!” said with an almost valley-girlish inflection. After I cut down the aforementioned tree, she ran about shouting “Tree….Crash!” Yes, she does speak in exclamation points. Her vocab is growing exponentially , as is the case at her age. She refuses to keep her shoes on, and has learned to remove her own diaper. That one is kinda scary…

PM and I did not manage to get away as I had to arrange, way back when. Money is always a factor in these things.

So, how did we deal with temper tantrums and hissy fits? Mostly, we laughed. A child acting out wants attention, wants YOU to be as upset as they are. Laugh, and the situation defuses fairly quickly. Afterwards, be sure to talk to them and reassure them that you understood that they were upset, and that you laughed because they looked funny or some such appropriate thing.