So I’ve had this post percolating in my brain for a few days. So, of course, it won’t be as good as it would’ve been had I just wrote it.
Anyway, being a dad means to be there. Always be there. If life turns in a way that Parents can no longer be partners, still be there. Don’t use the Kids as weapons against one another, don’t forget the kids are there, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep. Be there financially – even if means you eat ramen, and drink Piels.
Don’t be like my old man, and lead by bad example. He would pop up every few years through my childhood, take us out a couple of times, and then leave us waiting by the window for a man who never came.
In my mid-teens, circumstances came about where I went to live with him. Horrible. I ended up decking his wife (not proud of that, but it was necessary)(and a story for another time.) Not long after that, I split. I don’t think he ever looked for me.
What kind of man is that?
He’s not a bad man, just not a very good one. And a piss poor excuse for a father. His tally: One daughter who wants nothing to do with him, one son who just wants to know why (that’s me…) one step-son who at last word was trying not to be too much of a burden on society, and another son who flunked Kindergarten twice, held up an off duty cop at knifepoint, and has spent (last I knew, anyway) most of his adult life behind bars. (Update: I had felt somewhat concerned about saying this. I mean, what if he had straightened out… But, as I just found that his last arrest was a month and a half ago, for armed robbery amongst other things, I don’t feel bad at all.)
The whole reason behind this, is that he popped up again – sorta. Every six months or so, I get an email, or phone call from his wife – never is it from him. This time she says he’ll be in the area in July, and she’s going to make sure he has my number. I haven’t laid eyes on the SOB for 13 years this time – he’s never met my wife, he knows I have kids, but has never seen them.
Supposedly, he came up this way (he now lives in Florida) last summer, but got lost and couldn’t find my number (strangely enough…it’s actually listed)(under the name he saddled me with)(please don’t prank call me….).
So…
Do I invite him back into my life?
Do I ignore his existence?
Do I deny the girls a chance (slim though it may be) at a Gramppa?
I have to make a decision fairly soon… he’s supposed to be up starting the 10th of July….
The last time I got into this, was in the early 90’s. I chased him down because I was leaving the area, and I knew his brother Kris was in the area I was heading to.
(Sorry, Unca Kris…I know I was not the best person at that time. I still had a lot to learn about life.)
It ended badly. All I wanted was to get a phone call from him on my birthday – not even a card, just a call. Needless to say, it never came. That night, I wrote the following, and sent it to him. Never got a reply – still haven’t.
Years have passed with no sight of you
Tears have drained and I’ve not a clue
Why on that day I waited and waited
And again you didn’t show
Years gone by
Why?
Are you ashamed of what I’ve become
Or shamed by what I haven’t done
Alone all those years when I needed someone
To guide me down this rocky road
That you’ve traveled along
And now I’ve started upon
A burning star bright fire
A guiding hand clasped in mine
A wondering child with a thousand questions
Searching for the answers no one else could give
Scared and scarred from a life denied
Something everyone needs to survive
A teacher and a friend
Years gone by I needed you
I learned to cry as I wondered why
You could not be found, You never came around
I learned how to lie, the others kissed you goodbye
Holding on to a fantasy I kept on telling those fucking lies
To myself, making excuses that never helped
Now comes a time we’re reunited once again
Came a day when in my heart I called you friend
Then came that special day when I wanted to say
All those years gone by didn’t matter
That after all this time you still remembered
As well as I do the same for you
Oh, how badly I wanted that fading dream to come true
Time marched on I watched as it ticked away
Waiting for a sign a sight or a simple sound
Day into night night into dawn
None ever came another year gone
Eating away at my soul, the questions rise again
Unwanted but undaunted driving me down
To the foul pits of despair
Celebration of birth ‑ now destroyed
Through all my time curious to my worth
In your world seen through your eyes
Only to find I have none
I can imagine no fate worse
If I have none ‑where were you?
As I walked that road alone
Once again ‑ where were you?
(dedicated to my father) MSA JUNE 8/161992
So faithful readers, what do you think I should do?
🙄 grow up…….now u know what its like to be responsible. your father worked hard all his life without DADDY. GET A LIFE! We all had issues. grow up MIKEAL or is it Micheal? POOR YOU! Get off that crap your on! How dare U insult him like that because u screwed up! Get your facts right too! u have no right to put my sons down MR. WONDERFUL! Your a piece of work aren’t u? Nobody said life was easy!!! U got a message and make an issue of it DUH! CUT YOUR CRAP! U BETTER GET YOUR MEMORY STRAIGHT! if u can remember? BETTER REMEMBER THE PROBLEMS U CAUSED.I WON’T GO INTO DETAIL BECAUSE ITS NOT THE WORLDS BUSINESS! U OWE YOUR FATHER AN APOLIGOGY. u never considered what he’s been through. U could of picked the phone up anytime.WHEN did u call on FATHERS’ DAY? dUH! WHO THE HECK KNEW WHERE U WERE? RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE? DOING YOUR THING??? WHAT? U EXPECT HIM TO STOP WORK TO HOLD YOUR HAND??? GROW-UP! NOW THAT U HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A FAMILY ITS DIFFERENT , RIGHT? GET REAL! HE DOESN’T OWE U A LIVING. HE PAID THE PRICE. YOUR FATHER IS A VERY GOOD MAN! APPRECIATE IT! BY THE WAY IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE. GET MY DRIFT? Your not the only person in the world that came from a broken marriage. thats their business anyway. you always had at least one parent there . TRY FOSTER PARENTS!!! theres so many kids that never had one parent. poor micheal, face reality, not that disneyland your dreaming of. I don’t hold any grudges towards u, u make it that way yourself. I know u were just a mixed up kid. I tried the best I knew how. We all have feelings u know. All I wanted was to be family the best way we could. Because I loved your father and still do after 30 years and wanted us to be happy and tried to keep us close. Isn’t that what family is? sorry micheal that you are so revengeful. U just don’t see the light. Did u ever check on him when he was hurt at work? How about when he had a bad accident? where were u than? Why all one sided? LOVE goes both ways. He’s not young anymore to run or play games. You’ll see when your kids get older and so do u. ALL he wants now is too retire and enjoy the life he deserves. He’s the best HUSBAND AND FATHER I ‘VE EVER KNOWN. HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD!!! CHECK IT out SOMETIME. If u don’t like the name your SADDLED WITH CHANGE IT. I’M VERY PROUD OF IT.
❓ it’s crazy how you have the nerve to talk trash about a younger brother you never tried to speak to never was an old brother too never even tried to find but still have the balls to run your mouth about maybe if you was a brother he would have turned out better in life so maybe you should ride your high horse of self pitty back to b.s.ville..you never cared when i was put in reform schools or child jails nor do you take the time to try to get involved with your nephew who is now ten you a sorry excuse for an older brother and for an uncle and you have the nerve to put your dad on blast when he tried to find you when you was younger your mom hid you and your sister in maine but he still paid her money to support you both..please don’t run your mouth talking about poor me remember too his mistakes made you more of a man then you think…i tired to find you several times and when you came to his house you never even spoke to you acted like i was no one and now you come with this nonsense by the way i gave a guy a ride to pickup money from someone and he robbed him.i was played just like your tring to do..anyways when you grow up i might concider talking to you…
wow…..
Well…….I find it ironic that on the day I come to REALLY check out TD’s site and not just ‘buzz by on my cellphone….’ I find this post AND this rather ‘intense’ response from….Rosemary. OH and it appears that it was JUST recently left. Hmmmm……..hows THAT for a meaningful coincidence?
I have never been into the whole ‘flaming’ thing on discussion boards, where one post is attacked by another post is attacked by another post….on and on, ad nauseam. So I’m NOT going to comment on Rosemary’s post any more that the above mention.
I WILL however mention to TD and whoever else chooses to read this, that I am the eldest of three children, and at the tender age of ‘ten’ was treated to the experience of a divorce. I really don’t want to go into the maudlin details of a young boy dealing with ‘visiting rights’, ‘weekends with dad’, manipulative grandparents and such but I will say that the time spent with my father as a young boy, post divorce, always seemed to be ‘on and egg timer’ … There was a sense of urgency and intrusion into his regular life, that, in retrospect, a young child could not have to tools to qualify. There were gems that linger in my memory like…
“I wan’t to live with dad.”, says me at around 11 yrs old.
“FINE!! GO LIVE WITH YOUR DAD AND DEAL WITH HIM COMING HOME DRUNK EVERY NIGHT!!”, screams mom.
Now not having kids doesn’t keep me from understanding how a childs comment like mine would really mess with a single parents head. But the incident, and others like it have stayed with me.
Not very long after the divorce (two years I think) I managed to collect a Stepfather. We was a serious and strict man who scared the absolute shit out of me. He was as different from my Dad as night was from day.
1.)Birth Father = Happy, Gregarious, Entertaining, Somewhat irresponsible, Not always there, undependable
2.)Step Father = Serious, Boring, Intimidating, VERY responsible, ‘Old School’
Both my Fathers are MUCH older now ‘obviously’ and have ‘mellowed’. But maybe my perceptions of them are just less archetypal than the perceptions of a 10-13yr old would be.
I guess what I’m trying to say, in this rather long winded post is…….when I was a child these men BOTH seemed BIGGER than life. They seemed ‘Archetypally’ …… Elemental …… In my meditations and musings of my formative years, I have come to believe that a large contributions of who I am today ‘Came from these two men!’ And I have to believe that the key to making those contributions positive and creative, is to UNDERSTAND who these men are. To understand who they are, I have to get past who they ‘WERE’ in my little boys brain.
Our brain is an AMAZING device…..those men, for a very long time…. even in my YOUNG ADULT years were still those archetypal, elemental, caricatures that my young 11 year old mind had painted them as. I believe the reason they remained that way against all LOGIC was that my perceptions of them were CHARGED with emotion. THAT is what fueled those extremes that I had painted them in.
Now, at the ripe old age of 38 I know that I am partly who I am because of my biological father, and partly who I am because of my step father. I have tried, and I hope mostly succeeded, to see past what the 11 year old boy sees, and peer into the 55 to 60 year old ‘men of the world’. I have tried to learn from their wisdom and benefit from their knowledge.
For me this is NOT about forgiveness…….I don’t need to forgive them…..they both did/ have done the very best they could with the tools they had/have. For me this is about ‘Redemption’. Redeeming those ‘life-formative’ experiences in all their glory….good bad and indifferent…..for myself and my Dads.
I choose to believe……..almost daily:
I am the BEST of my two fathers,
I am the BLESSED of my two fathers.
Peace,
Russ
–>I’m going to break this into little pieces so you can understand. Might I suggest utilizing entire words, and a spell checker? (italics are mine – all other formatting is the authors)
grow up…….now u know what its like to be responsible.
Yeah, I do. That’s why I will do whatever it takes to be there for my kids.
your father worked hard all his life without DADDY.
From The little thats ever been said to me about Roman, it was Bart’s choice.
GET A LIFE! We all had issues. grow up MIKEAL or is it Micheal? POOR YOU!
Thanks, I have one. It’s pretty good, too. And for what it’s worth, Mikeal is my chosen name. Deal.
Get off that crap your on!
Hyperbole. I don’t do drugs. Haven’t smoked pot since I was 15. Drink one or two beers in an average week.
How dare U insult him like that because u screwed up!
Where exactly do I insult him? I screwed up? Huh? How the hell does an eight year old boy screw up and make his “father” become non-exsistant?
Get your facts right too!
Which facts do you refer to? I cannot stand by or refute facts when there is no direct reference to them.
u have no right to put my sons down MR. WONDERFUL!
I gave D. the benefit of doubt, because I’ve heard nothing of him for many years, except one mention that he was in the same area as you.
As for Bart, Jr. – just stating facts as I know them. His criminal record is a matter of public record. As mine is – one breach of peace from 1990.
And just for the record – I never said I was perfect, or “wonderful”. It took me a long time to get my shit straight.
Your a piece of work aren’t u? Nobody said life was easy!!! U got a message and make an issue of it DUH! CUT YOUR CRAP! U BETTER GET YOUR MEMORY STRAIGHT! if u can remember? BETTER REMEMBER THE PROBLEMS U CAUSED.I WON’T GO INTO DETAIL BECAUSE ITS NOT THE WORLDS BUSINESS!
It is an issue. Do I let someone with the potential to hurt my children emotionally into their lives? I’d call that an issue. My memory is pretty straight. I understand some problems occured between you and Bart when he was forced to deal with the responsibility of having a son. When I could no longer live with my mother and stepfather because my relationship with him was turning violent – the reasons why are irrelevant. I guess you could say “I” caused them.
U OWE YOUR FATHER AN APOLIGOGY. u never considered what he’s been through. U could of picked the phone up anytime.WHEN did u call on FATHERS’ DAY? dUH! WHO THE HECK KNEW WHERE U WERE? RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE? DOING YOUR THING???
Hmm… Let me think for a minute here. Who was the one to find him ever time in the last.. oh, say 20 years. With a single exception – me. The one exception is when he got in touch with me via my sister, shortly before you were moving. Another funny thing – my number has always been listed. For that matter, why doesn’t he ever call me? Or email me? Why is it always you?
WHAT? U EXPECT HIM TO STOP WORK TO HOLD YOUR HAND??? GROW-UP! NOW THAT U HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF A FAMILY ITS DIFFERENT , RIGHT?
Yes. I did. That’s the duty and privilege of a father. No different here. I leave work when needed, I take time off when needed. If my girls need me, I’m there.
GET REAL! HE DOESN’T OWE U A LIVING.
Never said he did. I asked him for financial help once. He couldn’t help, and that was fine.
HE PAID THE PRICE. YOUR FATHER IS A VERY GOOD MAN! APPRECIATE IT! BY THE WAY IT TAKES TWO TO TANGLE. GET MY DRIFT?
Yes. I do. At least she owns it. Does he? I have no idea. He would never talk about it.
If you reread what I wrote, you will see that I said “he’s not a bad man”. I know… Another funny thing – I learned more about him from Unka Krys than I ever learned from him.
Your not the only person in the world that came from a broken marriage. thats their business anyway. you always had at least one parent there . TRY FOSTER PARENTS!!!
I did. Wasn’t pleasant. That’s all I’ll say to that.
theres so many kids that never had one parent.
This has no point being here… It has nothing to do with the current discussion.
poor micheal, face reality, not that disneyland your dreaming of.
I dream of taking my kids to Disneyland, not living there. Although there is a great book by Cory Doctorow that deals with that.
I don’t hold any grudges towards u, u make it that way yourself.
Grudges? I can’t say that they are grudges – just reasons you gave me to not like you.
I know u were just a mixed up kid. I tried the best I knew how.
Yeah…by sending us kids to Sunday School via bus so you wouldn’t be bothered. (Against my wishes, I might add. )
By attacking me with a belt as I came out of the bathroom because I didn’t make my bed. (Which I had…)
By sitting around the kitchen table, smoking like a chimney, playing cards and drinking, all the while bitching about how your sisters were going to hell for drinking and gambling.
Yeah…those are what I remember of you.
We all have feelings u know. All I wanted was to be family the best way we could. Because I loved your father and still do after 30 years and wanted us to be happy and tried to keep us close.
I’m glad that’s the case. Everyone deserves to be loved.
Isn’t that what family is? sorry micheal that you are so revengeful.
I’m not “revengeful”. Revengeful (while not a word, I understand what you mean) would mean I’d be doing something to get back at you/him. My intention was to open a dialogue with Bart over these things, not to flamebait you.
U just don’t see the light. Did u ever check on him when he was hurt at work? How about when he had a bad accident? where were u than?
Good question. When did he get hurt at work? I remember that when you were getting ready to move down there, you told me he’d been hurt a year or so before…
but that was the first I’d heard of it. I wasn’t “there” because I had no idea it happened.
Why all one sided? LOVE goes both ways. He’s not young anymore to run or play games. You’ll see when your kids get older and so do u. ALL he wants now is too retire and enjoy the life he deserves. He’s the best HUSBAND AND FATHER I ‘VE EVER KNOWN. HE HAS A HEART OF GOLD!!! CHECK IT out SOMETIME. If u don’t like the name your SADDLED WITH CHANGE IT. I’M VERY PROUD OF IT.
I will see my kids grow up. He may be a great husband, I don’t and can’t know. Father? Not so great to me (his first born child) or to my sister. (Sorry Shell…I don’t want to drag you into this, and you have no need to participate…but any discussion of Bart as Father must include references to you…)
A good heart? From what I’ve seen, yes, that’s true. Don’t get me wrong – the limited times I’ve spent with just him are jewels within my memories. The shed in Terryville, “helping” him with his truck, the long drives to Poughkeepsie, race tracks, radio, electronics, hell, I owe my tinkering to him. I do love him. Is that a healthy thing? That is the question. I don’t want to deny the girls a chance at a Grampa…but I don’t want him to just disappear like before.
Thanks for the input, Russ. I never deny the influence that both men had in my life. They are part of who I am.
Bart Jr (just to seperate you from Dad)
I haven’t the time to respond in detail right now. Got to get the kids fed and ready to go. I have a dentist appt, and then work. Either tonite, or tommorow morning. But you will get a response.
Thanks for chiming in.
I would also like to point out that I still have not heard from Dad/Bart Sr.
Has he even read it yet?
TD, you have asked for other peoples thoughts on this quandry so I’ll share mine.
I feel that it is the job of a parent to do everything within their power to protect and teach our children. The precious lives that we are entrusted with at their birth, have no idea of danger or consequences of actions. Yes, we could let them touch a burning ember to learn that it can burn the skin and be painful, but is that truly what we *should* do? Not in my book. I prefer to try to shield them as much as possible and explain hurts in a manner they can understand.
“Stranger Danger” can have many meanings. I think that if you feel a stranger would not have your children’s best interest at heart, keep that stranger at bay. When the child is a mature adult, they can make their own decisions and choices in the matter.
JMOHO
Peace to you and yours,
Cheryl
Wow, you rubbed Rosemary (or is it RoseMerry?) the wrong way (I mean no ill harm, but rag on my best friend, expect it in return). I won’t get into her grammar, but it seems her post was made in haste while full of rage. Lots of shouting and mindless rambling is what I see. It is the type of post someone writes at midnight after being railed in the parking lot after a shitty day.
She obviously loves Bart very much and felt the need to stand up for his let-downs in life – as he won’t do it himself. Hell, I stand up for the ones I love myself. I am not backing anything she said in there as I don’t know either one of them, nor do I care to.
But bro, you need to look at what you have in front of you. A wonderful mom (literate and all), a loving sister and wife, beautiful children… you are truly blessed through your work. You were not handed anything in life. You fought tooth and nail for everything you have. I have seen the changes you have gone through to become the man you are today, no thanks to Rosey & Bart.
Forget them. They are the past and they only hurt your present. They obviously can’t have an intelligent dialog, so I think they are hardly worth the effort, no matter the relation. They did nothing to get you where you are today.
Peace-
Ray
Hard to Say, bro. Bart did give me some valuable tools and abilties and interests.
Won’t say anymore on Rosemary, as that’s not what this is about.
Thanks for yer two cents, brother.(by choice, not genetics)
Wow.
I’ve never met Bart or Rosemary or either of the half brothers. I don’t know diddly about any of them.
Wow.
I understand TD’s post was intense: he has very intense feelings about his biological father. Who could blame him?
I’ve known TD for coming up on 13 years. We’ve been married for going on 7 years. Our girls are 4.5 and 2. Neither Bart nor Rosemary has ever seen them, nor have they met me.
I spoke to Rosemary on the phone once or twice. In all those years, we got exactly one message from Bart directly. Rosemary’s left 8 or so messages in that time. They always say something to the effect of “call your father, he wants to talk to you”. I’m not sure if she’s trying to breach the gap, or if she’s calling because he’s unwilling/afraid to (no suggestion of cowardice here, simply stating a thought). we knew next to nothing about their lives, and they volunteered next to no information in that time. I know Rosemary would send emails occasionally but that’s about it. If Bart wants to reach his son, he can. As TD said: we’re in the book.
I’m not opposed to meeting Bart and/or Rosemary or my brothers-in-law. I would welcome them into our lives IF I thought it would be good for TD. I’m not sure that’s the case: clearly Rosemary has some issues and reacted strongly what she believed to be an attack. Her loyalty to her husband is commendable, but is clearly shaped by her own issues. Ditto for the young men in question. I’m not sure what kind of a big brother they were looking for, nor do I really “get” if they are actually interested in having a relationship with TD…it’s not as though they were unable to reach us all of these years either.
Was TD fair in his post? Well, it’s about *his* perception of things which clearly doesn’t line up with Rosemary’s reality, or that of her son. This isn’t about truth in the black/white kind of way. It’s about PERCEPTION and it’s clear that in this case never the twain will meet. As Rosemary said “it takes two to tangle”…or tango…or whatever. Yes, TD could have reached out, but to what end? His previous (albeit limited) overtures were not even given the honor of a rebuff, they were just let go. I don’t think it’s hard to see why TD didn’t try harder: and maybe Bart feels the same way, who knows?
I don’t think TD was being condecending, nor do I think he was whining. His poetry, which is deeply personal, caught the feelings of a young man at a very difficult point in his life (now what, 15 years ago???). That is not who he is now, but the shadow of those feelings still exists. If any mistake was made it was sending said post to Rosemary, a woman who clearly has a very narrow view based on her relationship with Bart and her sons. It’s sad more than anything that she felt the need to react that way. BTW Rosemary, this site, much like mine, has moderate traffic, and is hardly the worldwide pasting that you thought TD was giving Bart or that you were giving TD.
Life is not perfect, not by a long damn shot, but it’s good. And it’s ours. I hope you are half as lucky.
I did not read every single word that was written but as to Rosemary….STFU…I AM THE DAUGHTER and I know what I am talking about. I never did a thing to “Dad” so you cannot use that excuse with regard to me, and don’t try to tell me my mother hid us (Bart Jr) because we lived in Maine for 3 years and moved back to Connecticut when I was 8 or maybe 9, and around then contact was made. I was 8 so I don’t remember who contacted who, but I remember Mikeal and I at that point started to visit at that point. That went on until I broke my hand which explained further on, at 6th grade which would put me at what 11 or 12? As an adult, I moved once in the past 5 years, prior to that I lived in the same place for 10 years and prior to that I lived in the same place 4 years and so on and so on…all within 15 minutes of each other – I have basically been in northeast CT for the past 25 years and I had the same telephone number for over 15 years.
I graduated 8th Grade with High Honors, who was there? I graduated High School, who was there? I put myself through College, who was there? I graduated business school, who was there? I worked full time and put myself through Law School and who was there at my graduation? It takes more than contributing sperm to be a father, you need to be there no matter WHAT it takes….but you know what I don’t give a flying f*ck because I am 36 years old, I do not “know” my biological father but I hold no grudge. As far as I am concerned, my father, Jack, died over a decade ago. He was the only father I ever “knew”. He wasn’t perfect by any means but you know what he was THERE. As for my biological father, I simply do not know the man, nor do I care to know him in the true sense of how a daughter might or should know her “father”. The few memories I have are not really very nice ones, including being forced to go to Sunday School and bible camp and all the other places you would ship us off to so you could have a break, but the one that stands out most since I feel it every day when the barometer changes is the time you and dad were at the bar Labor Day weekend and I fell and broke my hand in about 8 places on Friday night and no one would take me to the hospital until I was returned home to my mother on Monday. One more day and it would have needed to be re-broken to be set properly. Yes that was quite enjoyable and memorable for a 6th grader ending summer and starting the new school year. But again, I hold NO grudge as I am apathetic, indifferent, or emotionless you might say to the whole “situation” …that is until you (Rosemary) come in here and flame a man who is the utter definition of a good man and a good father. Granted, I am biased toward my two beautiful nieces, but they are the most wonderful children I have ever met in my entire life, and they would not be that way but for the time, devotion and sacrifice both TD and MBW have endured to raise their children. To you Mikeal – I may not have ever said it directly to you, but I am more proud of you and your wife and beautiful children then you will ever know.
To be quite blunt and state it plainly and simply, this has nothing to do with you Rosemary. It is between a father and son. If Bart has something to say, he needs to open his own mouth and say it to Mikeal and not speak through you. Rather then you jumping on Mikeal and blaming him…tell Bart to call his son himself and the two men can discuss what each feels needs to be discussed.
And before you ask me where I was Rosemary, don’t even go there. It is NOT the responsibility of a child to be there for the father. It is the father’s responsibility to be there for the child. That is my opinion and that will never change.
Ray…love you man :)…and yes this was written while I was enraged…and for those of you who know me well enough, you know I do not get enraged easily, if ever at all.
Final thoughts to Mikeal….you need to do whatever you need to do and do NOT worry what others think. You and MBW are the best parents I know and I just hope one day if the Immaculate Conception occurs within me (yes a little humor there) and I give birth, I only hope I can be a tenth of the parents you and MBW. Please hug those two beautiful girls for me and I will see you soon. I love you.
(I apologize if this gets posted twice…it didn’t seem to take the first time!!)
man…can we get an edit feature…I HATE typos…especially when they are MINE 😉
LOL! I’ll see what I can do for ya Sis.
Thanks. See you Saturday…
Honest to bejeezus, I can completely understand why you are hesitant after that first post from your “stepmother”. If that is the environment with nothing but excuses for Bart’s reprehensible neglectful behavior, your daughters are most likely better off not dealing with him. Will he most likely disappear again? Is it worth it? Harpy wife has to come to his defense with nothing but excuses (pathetic at best) which is fancy, but it REALLY wasnt your job to maintain a relationship and track him down, he was the parent. All you can do is understand he is what he is, and sometimes you have to wish the person well and let it go, and be a better parent than what you had. His actions have really told you all you need to know. Maybe somday when daddy dearest stops playing bullshit and harpy lady gets a clue you should consider it, but let sleeping dogs lie. You’ve done fine so far. Keep on keepin on.
Wow. I’m not sure I know you, but it’s likely my brain misfiring. Thanks for your kind and wise words.
It’s three days since my initial posting. The “man” in question has not responded in any way. I suspect that that Rosemary hasn’t shown him the post.
Rosemary, I know you’ve been to Tattooeddad.com several times since your post, and my reply. Nothing to say?
No response to Michelle?
Yeah. Blowing apart self deceptions is never pretty.
Bart Jr, I will get to you as well. Right now, I’m got a day off with my family, and I’m going to enjoy it.
🙁 it is so sad that this is the way i get to know my brother i have done nothing but struggled since i left terryville..you guys forget i didn’t always have a dad either even when he lived with us he wasn’t with us.my mother tried to hold fort while he was out making money to pay for the bills then when they split and we moved to new britain i was on my own becuz mom had new boyfriend and i had cousin to show me the wrong ways of the new britain life no older brothers or sisters to try to guide me.just cousins who had no one becuz their parents where gone or at the bar with mine.now i am 27 years old and still struggling with problems on a different level being tring to find a place to live where i can actually feel like this is home since i never stayed home either was in a reform school or on the run from the police i have tried and tried to for the past two years to fix my life and to get away from people who involed in stuff like that even went to florida to try for a fresh start but mom drove me insaine and dad helped.now i came back up here gave a so called friend a ride to pick up money owed to him and the dude robs the what the funk is it my luck or just what my life is anyways when all this was happening i remember only once seeing my sister when i was like 13 and no mikeal at all and as far as danny he took off to maine then where ever else along all this my tried to help but was battling his own beast as he still does..oh let me say i did see mike and he didn’t even talk to me at my dad’s house when he was with sharon.all he did was ignore me.now i am supose to chase after him i can’t see doing thatfor some who can’t even call me and i have three phones.My sister is a different case i think she want to try a about a year back and just got caught up in her own life but i am still here no mikeal last i heard he was in boston tried to look him or get number from dad tells me grandma want to see both of you that’s the only time i hear about you.dam my sister is a lawyer and don’t even try to offer me any advice.i never did anything to them wrong besides being their brother and i read this piece on how i am piece of shit or something along those lines..how am i surpose to react to this from a brother i never knew or never got a chance to knowand this is the first time i really hear anything from him…..nice…mike….. 💡 maybe i was better off not knowing any of you people mom,dad,sister,or brothers…oh by the way mike i went to hartford to try to see your play and couldn’t get tickets….u have no idea…..about my struggles in life like being homeless a month after i came back here from florida…ok let me call my older brother opps don’t have one….. 🙁 i don’t have any ill will towards u or michele i just like how the two of you came off like i was something i am not by the way incase you didn’t read before your an uncle and aunt you guys of a great ten year old boy maybe one day i can see my nieces and nephews and we can start acting like it’s each others fault right now i wish you both the best because no matter what happened then we still have now………………………………………………. 💡 💡
Bart, I never said you were a piece of anything, let alone a piece of shit. I simply don’t know you. Yes we have the same blood in our veins but it ends there. My family consists of those I hold close to my heart and most of those people are not “blood”. I am sorry for the struggles you have come through but you know what, only you can change yourself and make yourself better. No one else in this world can do that. The people you choose to surround yourself with and the decisions you make are who you are. And no one is to blame for any of that except you. I came from the same broken home everyone else did but you know what, I do not dwell on it, as a matter of fact I don’t even think about it. I have a comfortable life I have created for myself on my own and based on my own beliefs, principles, morals and inner strengths and weaknesses. Instead of looking at all the wrongs in your life and who you feel created them, think of all the good things you DO have, like your son, and concentrate on that. Don’t blame others for your short comings, thank yourself for your accomplishments, no matter how small you may feel they are. I have a saying I pretty much live by, it may sound corny, but that doesn’t matter: The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
You’d probably poo if you knew who I was. 😯
I have learned over my life you cant change people or their behavior, it may suck but you gotsta worry about you and your own, and say it is what it is, you know?
😀
Bart,
There is still time for us to change our relationship. (A private email is forthcoming) I don’t recall ever laying eyes on you after I split from Terryville. Who is Sharon? I haven’t a clue.
The only play I can think of would’ve been Mark Twain?
Look, man, I wrote what I did not to say something about you – but to illustrate a lack of parenting. I appreciate the fact that you’ve had a rough ride… homeless? I could tell a thing or two about that. Won’t do it here, though.
Keep reading, and writing. Even if contact in real world doesn’t happen, we can learn about each other here.
Mikeal
Oh, say hi to Munchie for me….
So bring it on! I’m not afraid of a little poo….
I’ve been trying to hear your writing voice in my head….
Still not clicking.
🙄 I understand that this is a “family” matter and I should not stick my nose into it BUT I did get the chance to meet Rosemary and Bart. It was right before Mikeal went to California and we met them in a small bar in New Britain on Broad Street then we all went out to dinner. Bart got so drunk Rosemary had to practically feed his shrimp scampi to him. I didn’t feel any love, any compassion, any ANYTHING there except 3 people being politely cordial to one another. There was restraint, resentment and hurt under the covers of the politeness (if you know what I mean… it’s hard trying to describe what you are feeling or felt…) My memory is very long and surprisingly accurate.. I can remember the details of the day quite clearly. The bartender was well aquanted with Rosemary and Bart, as if they may have been regulars there… Rosemary talked about her cat, Beezlebub, etc.. Must I go on to prove my point?
On the other hand, I have had the pleasure of meeting Mikeal’s mother. I think that is when I truly realized how restrained Mikeal’s relationship with his father and stepmother was. To me, she seemed kind, compassionate, and savvy. I really enjoyed meeting her.
I am not playing one parent against the other sort of thing but Mikeal, these are YOUR KIDS we are discussing. There are obviously alot of hurt feeling that need to be resolved between you and your dad. If I were in your situation, I would have a private meeting with Bart first before deciding whether or not to let him into your children’s lives. I know you and C. are great parents and have a wonderful little family.
Mike’s Mom here, Hello Susie! It has been a long time hasn’t it! Mike said you might be going to see them tomorrow, so am I, Michele and his brother John and his wife and new baby. I hope you make it, it would be wonderful to see you again! 🙂
😆 THANK GOODNESS I DECIDED TO GIVE ALL I HAVE TO CHARITY. I KNEW MY KIDS DIDN’T HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ME. THEY SURE SHOWED THERE TRUE COLORS.I RATHER GIVE MY LIFE’S WORK TO SOMEONE THAT HAS RESPECT FOR MY LIFE’S HARD WORK. GOD BLESS U ALL, MAY U ALL BE HAPPY IN YOUR JOYOUS LIVES. LOVE YOUR UNKNOWN FATHER. :grin THANK GOD FOR THE WISOM TO SEE WHAT I HAVE FOR CHILDREN IN MY LIFE.
[Note from Tattooed Dad: I am allowing this comment to be posted. However, I do not believe that it is from “Father”. I have been told repeatedly that he does not use “the computer”. I believe this to be yet another inebriated posting from Rosemary.
The syntax, poor spelling, and caps lock point at that, as well as the time submitted.
Rosemary, what can I say….classless.
End Note]
I’d have to agree with you there bro.
I am Mikes Mother, so now I speak.
Whatever did or did not happen between Bart and myself has no place here.
Bart always had his demons. His relationship or lack of one with his father was a very negative experience for him. I will make no excuses for the man. Bart, the day your son was born you had an obligation to him, to be there for him for the rest of his life. Why you went and repeated the sins of your father is for you to deal with.
As to the relationship between you and your son, there is none! Not with him or your only daughter. This was never their choice but yours and yours alone. They were your children, where were you. I used to watch them sitting in the window waiting for you, you never came. When you did start to see them, they always came back quiet and not wanting to talk. How could you allow your daughter to suffer in pain for an hour let alone four days! What kind of person does that? What kind of Father does that?
‘The time has come the walrus said, to speak of many things…..’
Bart Your time has come….Where are you?
Rosemary, do yourself a favor and stay out of this, it has nothing to do with you. I will address your mentioning of his paying child support, this occurred only after the state garnished his wages and tax returns for non-support. The kids never got a cent from him, to this day he owes back support to both of them. They chose not to go after it. It was never the money they wanted, they wanted a Father.
Mikeal, I love you. No Mother could be more proud of a son, the man you have become and the wonderful loving Father, your daughters will never have to ask, “Daddy, where were you?”
May the Goddess Bless us all 😀
Thanks Mom!
I never meant for this to become what it has.
Later today, I will be posting more on this whole thing. At that time, comments on this entry will be closed.
They will remain forever here, and hopefully may help others at some time.