Feeling a bit low. Made the Mistake last night of actually looking at my pay-stub – just under 50% of it gone to deductions. (Taxes, 401k, insurance, etc.) The main reason I work is that I carry all the insurance for the Family – except Psycho-Momia‘s medical. That shit is ridiculously expensive, and we have have fairly good deals. I feel bad for other folx, who might not have as good of benefits.

But still, the non-tangible “pay” of benefits, and knowing that it’s important to have them, doesn’t help the alpha-male “provider” side of me. When I see that my take home pay is roughly a quarter of Psycho-Momia‘s, it’s like a symbolic kick in the balls. Which, I might add, is the worst way to rochambeau someone. Physical pain goes away…

In the day to day, it feels like I work so much, that I never get to be at home with both the girls and Psycho-Momia at the same time.

I am a conflicted man. I have the drummed in values of an older time, where the “man of the house” brings the money, and supports his family, while the “lady of the house” takes care of home, hearth, and kinder… those things are deep within me after years of social indoctrination. Kind of in the monkey brain. Logically, I know that it’s bogus – but it’s very hard to grasp it emotionally…..

Quick Post script: I understand that the previous may not make sense. I am experiencing the much dreaded “clopen” wherein you “Clo”se the store, and then o”pen” the store the next morning. Therefore, I have gotten about 4 hours of sleep since 6 yeaterday morning.